May 13th 815pm

I spoke with Arlene earlier about my concerns about her safety and fainting when she's with the girls. She said she planned on seeing the girls alone and i said that I would need to go to make sure she doesn't faint and hurt herself. I also told her that Athena said she was scared to spend time with her as she told me the last time she was here before Arlene had started fainting.

Understandably, she was upset that one of her children would be afraid to spend time with her. She got fairly escalated saying and storming out of the room acting like I'm blaming her for everything. Eventually, I was able to help her understand that I hadn't felt able to talk with her about these things because she gets upset so often if I talk about mental illness with her. She came around and said she is more open to the possibility of BPD after I talked about the possibility of taking a really really long road to healing or healing more quickly so we can get on with a happy life free from fear for everyone. I told her "Wounds need to heal quickly or they become infected and can kill us" to help her see that avoiding a label like BPD and trying to get through things without taking it serious enough could and would likely lead to a long and meandering road and she may never get to the root of hear issues.

I discussed Dialectical Behaviour Therapy with her and that the counsellor I spoke with last night recommended it for Borderline.

She was happy again and then we were outside having fun and being flirty and sexual and she became increasingly excited and a bit too aggressive unintentionally. Example, she bit me a bit too hard, was quite physically aggressive when she rubbed the rosemary plant to show how you can smell it, she destroyed about a third of it right after telling me that she had bought the most beautiful and prolific plant and left it aboale comparison after she rubbed it very intensely.

We came upstairs and she fell asleep for hours which is unlike her. This tends to happen when she is super stressed and emotionally unstable and worn out.

She started crying in need before falling asleep. Her speech was doing that slurring thing and her eyes looked different, looking more and sounding like she was drunk, but I am almost 100% positive she did not drink and she has gotten this way many times when I know she hasn't drank any alcohol.

It's like something changes in her brain and she starts to get manically excited. She starts to slur her speech, walk in a lazy and drunken manner sometimes (this happened before she fainted while visiting the girls the other day). Her eyes change and she loses the sweet look in her eyes and they get more wild looking and darting and also very intense and just not soft and she feels dangerous to be around and does things that are not safe.

For example, she took on this look and sound before and while she was driving myself, Krishna and Jasper around after hearing her cousins had a stroke and she was driving around corners way too fast, much too close to curbs, speeding and then nearly drove us into a ditch before I told her she needed to pay attention to driving and that I was driving the rest of the way. That day she scared the crap out of me and she often does things that are unquestionably risky like driving in the snow with now working windshield wipers or in the rain with no working wipers and she just thinks she can do anything, even if it is clearly no safe and outs overs in danger.

I am going to ask her how she felt before sleeping. I will try to talk with her about it without telling too much (however I will explain what I observed) and I will try to ask questions to help her uncover answers for herself and guide her to insight and encourage her to write a journal about what happens with her and our conversations to show the psychiatrist and counsellors so she can present things in a more well rounded picture instead of presenting herself as collected so they don't just think she is fine with no real serious issues and concerns. She has an ability to put on a calm and collected public face.

I will try to update after our conversation and will be writing about past events for records to ensure my safety and for her therapist if I should be allowed to give information for them to consider in her treatment plan.